originally published at www.rageagainstthemanchine.com

MARCH 18, 2008

I can't even believe I'm writing about this shit. Actually, fuck that; I can't believe someone came up with this. I thought I had heard everything when I found out about people cutting up and rearranging their vaginas (AKA labiaplasty), but now I've really reached a "holy shit, the world is going to end" moment.

Apparently, with the rise in the popularity of anal sex among today's youth and the exploding popularity of anal porn (regular sex just isn't sexy enough, man), the world has become increasingly aware of a serious problem that, luckily, chemicals can solve for us: the inappropriately-hued butthole.

I'm picturing all sorts of scenarios in which this affront to aesthetics could come to light, and none of them are cute. They all revolve around a scenario in which a woman has been talked into "doing anal" despite her reservations about it, only to have the persuader stop and say, "Dear god, how can I be expected to do this thing that I made such a big deal out of getting you to do when your butthole isn't even the right shade of pink?"

I know, that was gross. But don't get mad at me. I'm not the one who has brought us to the point where men are demanding that women "do anal" and women are expected to not only acquiesce - whether it's something they enjoy or not - but also to make sure their buttholes are the right shade of pink for the event, applying toxic chemicals to achieve that shade if necessary.

I'm pretty sure this means that pornographers now completely control our minds. Otherwise there's no fucking way a woman could go into a salon and say, "While I'm here having my pubes ripped out by the roots, could you please go ahead and apply some chemicals to my butthole?" The fucking ARROGANCE of these motherfuckers expecting women to not only let their bodies be used like objects, but to endanger their own health to make the experience more aesthetically pleasing to the person doing the using makes me so fucking angry that I want to start a nu metal band or something (OK, I can't get that angry).

I don't mean to beat a dead horse or anything, but the fact that this procedure exists should make it clear to everyone in the world that a) women in this godforsaken country of porn-crazed idiots are seen as nothing but sex objects, that b) our idea of what it means to be a woman is so distorted and warped that most men are now no longer attracted to women but rather to cartoonish facsimiles of women, and that c) a large proportion of the women in the world are completely brainwashed, because they just keep on accepting these new "beauty" and "grooming" requirements in the quest for male approval, basing their self-worth on whether men want to use them, which is just where these assholes want us.

I'm moving to Papua New Guinea.