<< previous | next >>
I started in the porn industry back in 2003 when I was 19. It started with me doing a little nude modeling here and there, then it progressed into internet work and then I met an "agent". It all went downhill from there. The money was great for a 19 year old! But I didn't enjoy being on set and feeling degraded.
I loved the attention from everyone but now that I look back, that's not the kind of attention I deserved. But, I was young, naive, motivated by the money and the "fame". It was easy for an agent to take advantage of me, and many did.
Over the course of my porn career I have been belittled and treated like a piece of trash more than I could have ever imagined in a lifetime I would. I wasn't a woman in any of these directors eyes, I was nothing to them. The male talent at times were nice, but sometimes, they were horrible. I've had men choke me, slap me, thrust me so hard until I couldn't walk and this would happen even after I would tell them to stop. They have no respect for women.
There were always drugs and we would binge on Ecstasy, Cocaine, Marijuana, Valium, Vicodin and alcohol. I thank God I am even still here! I also did "escorting" in the porn industry for agencies where we were sent to Las Vegas to do "privates". I also know agents who lie to the girls and tell them they are shooting a scene when instead they set up prostitution acts for them.
I have cried and screamed and almost lost it at times because of this horrible industry. I have now been on Lexapro since January because I dropped to 85 lbs and it was from all the stress and anxiety from this business. I am now back up to 103 lbs and feeling better, but it's going to be a long time until I fully recover. It sucks you in and is hard to get out, but once you do it... it's the greatest feeling ever. Although it's an extremely difficult and uphill battle, I know I'll be okay. The industry is infected with drugs and disease. I have had multiple tests come back positive for Chlamydia and gonorrhea. My so-called friends and ex introduced me to a variety of drugs and we were on a 6 month binge. All my money went to partying and my car got repoed, I got evicted, had run-ins with the police, almost lost my contract and lost touch with my family. I almost always had to be "messed up" on set to get through it. I look back and it makes me sick because that is not the person my dad raised me to be.
I am so grateful for my son because I got pregnant and that's what made me stop partying! I was in a relationship with a Kris Slater who is also in the industry and I thought everything was great until he started getting really controlling and abusing me. He would choke me, throw me around and verbally abuse me. I thought things would get better but it continued for 3 years. I had him arrested twice and the second time, this last February was the last time I was ever going to let him do that again. He threw chairs at our son and I was not going to let anything happen to him. There is now a restraining order and I have temporary full custody and am going to fight until the end for my son to have a loving and peaceful upbringing.
My worst scene I have ever been through was the one I did when I was pregnant. That is going to be the hardest thing for me to get over. It makes me so mad that the father of my baby and ex Kris Slater would even support that and let me do it. He should have been a man and helped out!
Although, I'm very angry and hurt, I am finally learning to love again and let someone into my life after being numb for so long. When I was shooting I was blocking all emotion and it was effecting my personal relationships with everyone. I had no "real" sex life and was showed no affection because I was used to doing the motions of something fake.
I don't know how I got to the point of doing porn. I was a bright girl growing up. I joined the military at 17 (got out on a medical discharge) went on to attend college and had high expectations for myself. It's never too late to do that stuff and change my life around and now is the time. I have to be a great mother for my son and be a good influence to him. I want him to look up to me and be proud. I am so grateful for Shelley and the Pink Cross Foundation for reaching out to me and helping me better myself. Shelley has been reaching out to me and giving me hope for some time now and I'm now strong enough to stand up and say, "I'm done with this horrible industry!" Thank you Shelley and the Pink Cross Foundation for loving me and seeing me as the great woman I am.
-Amanda formerly pornstar Erin Moore
<< previous | next >>
Industry Survivor Stories
Anti-Porn Resource Center
copyright 2010 one angry girl designs ®