By JenniferWhat Women Truly Want
I would like to first start out by saying that at one point I didn't see the harm in porn, mainly because I knew nothing about it. I saw the Playboy bunny as a fashion trend and even bought a pair of underwear once that had that logo. I was in high school, young and naīve and had yet to really experience the consequences of this industry.
Today, as a woman, the idea of porn makes me feel uneasy about pursuing any kind of intimate relationship with a man. Now that I'm older I tend to look at every man I meet as a potential enemy, a perverted slime ball who thinks it is okay to fantasize about sleeping with other women when he already has one. I'd like to wake men up to a realization, and once I've done that I will inform you as to how I arrived at this realization.
There are 2 categories of human males: Guys and Men. Allow me to explain. A guy would be okay to settle for a woman that allows him to get away with his bad behavior because that's easier for him. It doesn't require him to put any real effort into the relationship. In this scenario, he can just do whatever he wants without acknowledging that there are consequences for his actions. He has tunnel-vision, as I like to call it.
A man, on the other hand, isn't afraid to be with a woman who is strong enough to push him to be a better person. Men know that women who have high standards also have a high level of respect for themselves and aren't normally willing to settle for less than they deserve. Men see the bigger picture and understand that there is more to life than playing beer pong and watching dirty movies.
There are many reasons why porn is destructive. If I tried to list them all I would end up writing a book, rather than an essay. But I would like to focus on relationships. I am a woman. Because I am a woman, I am able to write what it is that I like or don't like in a man. If you're a man reading this, you can either take my advice or not take my advice. That's up to you, but I am exercising my right to freedom of speech by voicing my opinion on this topic. Things that turn me on about a man include a sense of responsibility to the relationship, commitment, devotion, and being willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work because he values it. A man who is willing to make sacrifices and follow the rules of the relationship and shows loyalty to his mate is like a hero-a true knight in shining armor, because he makes the woman feel safe. An honorable man is the sexiest thing I can possibly think of.
Guys are a dime a dozen. I can go out and get myself a guy any day of the week. There's nothing special about a guy. No matter what their differences are, guys are all the same. They're just as common as blades of grass. But an honorable man is truly a gift. When most women describe what they want in a mate, they describe the man, not the guy.
So far, the associations that I have made with guys in my life that have been porn users have been violence. That is one thing they all had in common, in one way or another, even if they weren't physically violent they were emotionally violent. The very first time that I was exposed to porn, that I can remember was when I was a child. My mom had a boyfriend who kept stacks of porno magazines under his bed and in his closet. He would sit behind me and watch the playboy channel when I was at the dinner table, demanding that I not turn around. This same man physically abused me for 2 years, choking me and leaving bruises on me. And what's worse, he thought it was perfectly acceptable.
It wasn't until I was 21 years old and living with my then-boyfriend that I learned how I truly felt about porn. I knew that I didn't like it, but I couldn't figure out what it was that bothered me. I just knew that it bothered me more than anything else - It made my skin crawl. Once again, I had ended up in another physically abusive relationship with an alcoholic that thought it was okay for him to do whatever he wanted with no regard to the effect it would have on me. Although I had many reasons, the porn was the main reason I left him.
As a woman, I can tell you that porn is the most repulsive thing I can come up with when it comes to things that turn me off. So if you're a nice guy who wants to know what women want, or find attractive, consider this into your calculations.
I want to make it very clear that my disapproval of porn has nothing to do with me being a prude. Personally, if I am in a relationship with a man who is being honorable with the relationship, then that will make me want to do everything I can to please him. But if I am with some Jerk-Wad who lives by his own rules with no regard to the relationship, the last thing on God's Green Earth that I want to do is touch him!
I donšt want to be with some jackass who makes me feel like I have to compete with other women (or images of women) for his attention! All that porn does is dissect people down to nothing but body parts. Porn programs people to separate themselves from the emotional and spiritual aspects of living and focus solely on the material. Material is not all we are, and it is not all that is important. Material only lasts for so long. When we die, our bodies decompose, but our spirit lasts forever because energy cannot be created or destroyed. Once material has worn away, we are stuck having to deal with the consequences of the choices that we've made. So why not make the right choice?
Why not make the decision that when you love someone, you will love them with your spirit? I'm not telling you not to have sex. But I want to include that sex is ten times better when there's love involved. When you have a spiritual and emotional connection with someone, the sex will always be better. And porn is a wall that gets in the way of that connection. Girls who are okay with porn are girls that think that their body is all they have to offer. Those are girls who think that sex is all they are and all they were meant to be. They are not the ones with high hopes for the future, and they don't see the beauty in what life could be.
Love is the most beautiful and powerful force in this world. There is no force in this world that is greater than love. Love means being faithful to one person. It means being loyal to them, and honorable, and trustworthy. It means being a hero. Heroes do not do dishonorable things, like watching porn. There is one thing in common about every hero in every single tale that you will ever read or hear about- they have the other person's best interest at heart. The hero is always different from all of the other guys. That will never, ever change. So don't be a carbon copy of all the other guys out there. Be a man! Be a hero! There is nothing shameful about wanting to be a better person. Those who don't want to be better people are the ones that have something to be ashamed of!
And for the record, I have talked to many other women about this topic that feel the exact same way that I feel about it. There are many women out there that would rather have a man than a guy.
Are YOU an AntiPorn Star too? Send us your story and maybe we'll publish it here!