<< previous | next >>
My name is Madelyne but I am also known as porn actress Michelle Avanti who has done over 100+ XXX hardcore movies.
My life began on April 19, 1980. Both my parents were young when they had me and my father was addicted to alcohol and drugs. They ended up divorcing and my mother became a single parent. At times my mother worked three jobs to make sure I had everything I needed but what I needed most she didn’t give me. I needed her love and wanted a mother daughter relationship especially since my father wasn’t in the picture. But instead of receive the love I needed I was raised by after school programs.
Growing up I was different from other kids. I never felt accepted anywhere. By the time I was in middle school I started to get in trouble. Eventually I got kicked out of high school. By this point I was doing whatever I wanted to do and started exploring alcohol, drugs and sex until one day I got raped by a friend of mine and it wasn't going to be last time. I was able to finish my high school credits at an alternative school and barely graduated.
I went on to take college courses at the local community college but wasn't able to finish due to my crazy party life. I was able to get a job working as a cocktail server and beer girl behind the bar to support my addictions. I thought my life was so much fun because I was able to drink, be wild and meet new people. I would drink so much that I would forget to work and my employers got fed up and fired me.
I tried to get a real job but was missing my good ole party life and wasn’t making my quick fast tips I was used to. I decided to go back to work at the bar on the weekends. One night I met a guy who came in from the navy base. We started hanging out and partying together. I thought for sure this was the one because he made me feel so good and gave me all the love that I never had. The relationship turned rocky and I became very depressed and started using more drugs and drinking heavily and we began to have major fall outs that eventually led to verbal and physical abuse. It got so bad that he started using too and we both had to go our separate ways.
One day a friend and I took a trip on Amtrak to visit some friends down south. We never made it to our destination because we were so high. We met a guy and began flirting with him and within minutes we were partying. I told him how I just broke up with my fiancé and lost my job and how I had no money to pay for my bills. He said he could possibly help me out and that he was a porn star and the industry was looking for female talent. He also assured me that everyone is clean and tested for all sexually transmitted diseases. In porn you do get tested for STDs but ONLY for HIV, Chlamydia and Gonorrhea. They don’t test you for Hepatitis A, B, or C or staph infections, yeast infections, Genital Herpes or HPV which is very common in the porn industry.
I didn't really hesitate and was definitely not in my right mind. I just heard dollar signs and I was desperate. My friend ended up going back home on the Amtrak and I stayed with a complete stranger. I was scared and nervous now that I was alone and didn’t have single clue about what I was getting myself into. All I knew was I was going to make tons and tons of money. Boy was I wrong! The average I ever got paid was $900-$1000and had to give 10% to the agent and 5% to the driver. My agent forced me to use a driver because he knew I was always wasted. About 75% of the women who make porn have to have drivers because they’re addicted to drugs and alcohol.
When I was first introduced to my agent I told him I had no limits and would do it all. But I had NO idea what I was saying. I didn’t know about all the hardcore sex acts I would be forced to do. All I knew was that I wanted to catch up on my bills and then get out. So I signed a one year contract and only worked for him. I took pictures for the site and went to AIM (Adult Industry Medical Facility) and got my test.
My first scene was booked and I was terrified. It was a hardcore scene and my first scene ever on camera. I tried backing out and wanted to go home and not do porn at all but the male porn star I first met said I could not back out because I had signed a contract. I was threatened that if I did not do the scene I was going to get sued for lots of money. So I ended up taking shots of vodka to get me through it. As I did more and more scenes I abused prescription pills which were given to me anytime I wanted by several Doctors in the San Fernando Valley. I was given Vicodin, Xanax, Norcos, Prozac and Zoloft. The doctors knew I did porn but still gave me any prescription pills I wanted. All I had to do was tell them I needed them to get through hardcore scenes. In fact, any porn star can get just about any prescription from certain doctors in the San Fernando area. Maybe the doctors get kickbacks from porn producers. Who knows.
Some of my experiences on the porn set include me being totally wasted and porn producers allowed me to be and even provided alcohol and drugs for me. I experienced rough sex scenes and have been hit by male talent and told them to stop but they wouldn’t stop until I started to cry and ruined the scene. During one specific scene called “Bukkake” I was really high and the producers knew it and they told me to use a Douche to pretend I was urinating on another performer but I had an accident and instead I defecated on the performer. I was so humiliated and wanted to die. They told me it was okay and not to worry that they weren’t going to make a big deal about it and the next thing I know they blasted the scene all over the web. I felt totally degraded.
The worst scene I ever did was during my first couple weeks in the business. The agent who handled all my bookings called me the day before the scene and said it would be similar to a solo masturbation scene. Then he added that there would also be about 10-15 guys masturbating to me and ejaculating on my body. He said it would be quick and easy money. I agreed to do the scene and showed up to the studio at the late-evening call time.
When I arrived I saw a massively long line of men outside the studio. I recognized very few of them as “talent.” Most of them were strangers I had never seen before and I wondered why they were there. I didn’t greet them but just took a deep breath and walked through the doors.
I asked the make-up artist what was going on outside and why there were so many men. She giggled and said, “They’re all here for you, girl! For the Bukakke!”
I thought to myself, “What the hell is that?” I quickly called my agent and said that there were so many men - at least 75! My agent told me that I had to do it and if I didn't, he would charge me and I would lose any other bookings I had because I would make his agency look bad. I was really new to the business and didn't want to cause problems with the agency. So I went through with it because I didn't want to lose out on money - that was the whole reason I was there.
While the make-up artist was making me look pretty, she instructed me to get fluids all over my face. She said the majority of the men weren’t in the business and didn't have a clue what they were getting themselves into. She also said the company did Bukakkes every other week and put ads in the LA weekly to give men a shot at their big fantasy of ejaculating all over young fresh faces and appearing in a porn movie.
I couldn’t believe it. I was sick to my stomach knowing some of these men could have wives and daughters waiting for them at home. What would they think if they knew where their husband or daddy was? And what would these men do if their daughters were up there like me, drunk and high, while the producers stood by and allowed it? And I never did see any proof of their STD tests because I was too high. To this day I have no idea how 75 men could have been tested to do a porn movie with me.
By the time I was done with make-up, dealing with my agent, and at the same time trying to build some confidence to do this horrifying scene, it was already 10pm. One of the crew members offered me vodka and beer.
This so-called “quick scene” had not even started and I had to let each one of those men masturbate to me and shoot their bodily fluids all over my face and body. I drank a few more shots, finally loosened up, checked out emotionally and mentally, and got through the scene.
It was absolutely horrible. After the scene ended the photographer made me take pictures with the 75 men who had just ejaculated on me while I stood there covered with their bodily fluids forcing myself to smile. I felt so gross and disgusted with myself that I couldn’t even look at the film when I was sober.
As I continued to do hardcore porn I started catching STDs all the time. My lower body hurt so badly and at times my private area felt like it was a blazing fire. I always seemed to get yeast infections and bladder infections so bad that I would bleed whenever I peed. I also ripped my vagina and butt from all the hardcore scenes I did.
I could no longer work because I caught so many STDs and infections. So I devoted all my time to my addictions and was out of control. I felt completely hopeless. I eventually ran out of money and asked my agent for more work but he said no one wanted to hire me because my drug and alcohol problem was out of control. I told him I thought that was funny because on the porn sets they always provided alcohol and drugs to the girls. He suggested I escort and strip to make quick and easy money. He said in the mean time he would try to get me a few scenes to help me get some money.
I started to make money again and never once paid any of my bills. It all went to drugs and alcohol. It only got worse for me. One day while driving I ran a red light and got pulled over for a DUI. I got arrested and my car was impounded. I lost my car because I had no money to pay all the fines. You would think I would have learned my lesson but no, I got arrested again, overdosed twice and the ambulance took me both times to Kaiser Hospital where I had no insurance and no money to pay them. They told me since I couldn’t pay that they could just write it off. California taxpayers probably ended up paying my bill. I also went to Tarzana Treatment Center which the County of Los Angeles helped me pay for.
I eventually left the treatment center and rented a little room from an elderly lady I found on Craig’s list who was as much a drunk as I was. I didn’t care about myself. I was a total mess and no hope and faith for myself. I just figured oh well who cares I have no one and nothing. I ended up booking a scene on my own and convinced the director I could still perform. I ended up partying right after and all the cash I made from the scene was gone. I had nothing. No ID, no credit card or money.
In January, 2009, I cried out to God to please help me and told Him I couldn’t live like this anymore. I told Him I would give myself to Him if He would help me. The next few days I made some phone calls and moved back home. It felt so good to see them and a burst of energy ran through my body. God kept His promise and rescued me from the porn industry.
Now that I am out of the business and away from the horrible porn lifestyle I am excited to receive a special gift from God to have a baby and start my life over. Yes, I am pregnant and single but I know God has a plan for me. He even helped me overcome my addictions and I have been sober ever since I left. Everyday is a challenge and but as long as I practice and follow His steps I know He will not give up on me.
I have learned my addictions are parasites and suck the life out of me. I have learned that my addictions are alcohol, prescription pills, drugs, doing porn and sex work. Yes most definitely my addictions have promised me pleasure and have consumed my thoughts, time, money and energy. They have stolen away my loyalty and heart for those I love and who love me. I am determined I will never live that old life again and that I must destroy my addictions and if I don't they will destroy me again.
I was talking with some friends and they brought up Shelley Lubben and the Pink Cross Foundation. I looked up her site on the internet and emailed her. The next day I was contacted by the Pink Cross staff and was sent a beautiful care package. I received a very nice card from Shelley and it meant so much to me. I met up with her and had such a wonderful time with her we talked and had such a yummy lunch. I am so happy to have Shelley and the Pink Cross support me and help me through my recovery and pregnancy. I really admire her and think that she is an amazing and beautiful person inside and out and a true leader.
I am very proud to be a part of Pink Cross because they are helping me rebuild my faith and most importantly build a strong healthy relationship with my family. I am especially thankful to my Lord Jesus Christ for setting me free and making me a totally new creation! My hope is that everyone reading my story will stop viewing porn and stop hurting women like me who get sucked into the lie of the porn industry and instead let God heal you like He is doing for me. We’re all made for something better than porn.
I love you and am praying for you.
<< previous | next >>
Industry Survivor Stories
Anti-Porn Resource Center
copyright 2010 one angry girl designs ®