More Stories from the Guestbook

It's encouraging that there are sites like this to combat misogyny in all its forms, including porn. I was raped and assaulted on two different occasions by an ex who was obsessed with porn. Also, while we were involved, he constantly made me do sexual things that i was not comfortable doing, such as acting out porn or taping us having sex, and would make me feel like scum if i tried to refuse. The stuff he did to me will be with me for the rest of my life; It doesn't get any easier and it's not something you can just move on from. People have got to start paying attention to what porn does to the women who are involved, both on screen and off, and sites like this are a really important resource.
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My boyfriend use to sneak behind my back to download/watch porn. I would wake up at all hours of the night to see tons and tons of porn added to his computer. So many fights over porn. Why did he have to lie so much. Finally I told him it was porn or me. I love him but he needs to love and respect me enough to be faithful not stare at naked women having sex!

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I was sexually abused as a child, and when I got to college I was extremely sexually active as a result. After I realized that the college guys were not attracted to me as a person, I participated in therapy and achieved a healthy sexual outlook, which includes an extreme aversion for pornography of any kind. I had my first child with my husband four months ago, and our marriage has taken a drastic turn for the worst. First, when I was five months pregnant, I stumbled upon explicit hard-core porn on my laptop. When I confronted him, he apologized and swore to never do it again. However, just two weeks ago, three and a half months after my son was born, I was scouring the History section of our browser looking for a particular website I needed for school, and I found SEVERAL soft-core porn (what I consider so- scantily dressed, topless women in lewd and suggestive positions) websites!! My self-esteem has always been low due to the abuse during my childhood, and after a child is born, any woman's body is stretched, flabby, and unattractive, so I've been especially self-concious lately. Discovering these images on my computer (1) while my self image is at an all-time low anyway and (2) after he promised to never do it again has drawn me into a deep depression where I do not trust him or his word and even the sight of him revolts me. He knows everything about my past, so his actions seem like a great "f*** you" to me, my emotions, and my mental well-being. Am I over-reacting, or do I deserve better??

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my boyfriend will not stop porn on the computer and I gave him a choice me or the computer and he choose the computer so I am depressed and sad on what to do. we are still together with a daughter. I want him to stop but he says he is not doing anything wrong, please help me.

I am writing this in hopes that other people who read this will never fall into the same trap i did.

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I hate porn with a passion! I think it's absolutely degrading and it makes me feel sick to my stomach! I found out two years ago that my boyfriend of 5+ years is into this! Talk about trauma! I was using his computer when I found a whole lot porn trash! I was devastated. My perfect guy was a pig! So for the past two years this obnoxious problem has been looming over our relationship. Talk about one angry girl! I cannot begin to explain what his otherwise "harmless" habit (according to him) does to me! It makes me feel dispensable and absolutely self-conscious. I'm not ugly but I'm certainly no porn star and I would never stoop so low as to want to be one but he doesn't understand how much this hurts me. He keeps feeding me some lame guy excuses for his behavior

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Porn is gross! I believe only sick people at it .I knew someone with a bad porn habit, this person was abusive to me and to my sister, worst of all after looking at this porn he would want to have sex with me and get into things he had seen in the porn. What he did hurt and it still hurts to this day.

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I'm just fed up with my boyfriend looking at porn on the pc. Whenever I am asleep he is on the net looking at pictures and masturbating. I even caught him in a cyber sex chat room and it hurt me so much. I feel like he is going behind my back and that I am not good enough. I told him if he wants to do that stuff, to do it with me and not behind my back but he said he would feel uncomfortable doing that. What about how I feel!!! When you are in relationship to me it feels like cheating.

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It just seems as though porn impacts our lives, regardless of whether we choose not to view it. If our men are viewing it, we are definitely impacted. For some reason, I have been conditioned all my life that a little porn here and there is expected and therefore acceptable. I have been conditioned to believe to think otherwise is not realistic or prudish. My boyfriend has always had porn magazines by his bed. I conditioned myself to accept this. When I was over there, I would often look by the bedside and hope one day to see that they were not there. Once I did this check, I would get over it, let it go, and carry on without letting it become a resentment. In the same way, I have always been a supporter of the first amendment and accepted that there are certain evils that go along with freedoms granted to us. I maintained this liberal thinking until one day I came along a yellow legal pad of hand written fiction. I have no proof or any indication suggesting that the prose was tied to reality. It was despicable and just as pornographic as any picture. Unfortunately and sadly, it did not have to do with consenting adults. I read graphic stories of incest and bestiality. This turned my stomach and made me wonder the links between pornography and unacceptable fetishes. After that I found a web site that also had these stories. Gregory had some printouts of a web site that had stories of bestiality and incest. There were no pictures but the reading was graphic, descriptive, crude and objectifying. I consider him dangerous to date and don't know if there is a link between fictional stories. Do these stories bear any link to reality. Would these stories exist if porn were not so readily available?

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I am 200% against pornography, especially since the birth of my baby girl. My fiancé knows how I feel about this, but he constantly disrespects me. We have the "box" for our cable at home and before I learned how to block "those" channels, he would wait until I was asleep, purposely put the covers over my face so he can watch porn! When I would step out of the room, the first thing he would do is put it on the porn channels. One time he made himself look like an ass because we have a TV in the studio, but what ever is being watched in the living is what you see in the studio. Well, I guess he forgot about that because as soon as I was in the studio, he turned to the porn channel and there it is right in front of my face...

When I tell other people how I feel about porn and other disgusting things, they make me feel like something is wrong with me. My fiancé even says that he is a man and that's what men do. to make things worse, when we first got together, he said he was 100% against porn (which I believed because he is SO religious) So when I found out that he was addicted to it, I kinda felt betrayed so now every time I catch him, I throw a fit and he gets mad because I'm mad...he obviously feels the need to have porn in his life and I don't know what to do. I think it is so repulsive and disgusting, and I get so fed up with it sometimes that I feel like I just want to get up and leave so he can have all the porn and strippers he wants.

Do I really have a problem or are there other women who feel as strongly as I do?
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I was sexually abused by my father and 2 uncles -- ironically and shockingly, they are not blood related. I was surrounded by male figures who have sexually exploited me. I had no other male role model who didn't exploit me. it started when I was 6 until I was 21. I felt dirty, ashamed, and angry for a long time. I have felt rage for a long time. such powerful rage that I wanted to kill...mainly myself. I wanted to die. I felt so ashamed for so long. I’m at odds with my sexuality. I know that I’m hetero but whenever I feel sexual, I am wrought with guilt and shame. it's been hard on me and my previous boyfriends. I’m 33 now and have been in and out of therapy for the past 9 years. I’ve felt so violated for so many years. I’ve also felt really, really scared for a long time. I just got married late last year. it's still hard to fully trust men, even my own husband. it's still hard to not be scared that I might get raped when I’m walking to my car at night or when I’m home alone. I get totally disgusted when older men hit on me. I have been sexually harassed at work at almost every job -- like I have this "prey on me" sign over my head and the predators flock towards me. I’m disgusted that my husband's male friends enjoy going to strip clubs every week. I find them disgusting. Fortunately, my husband's not into porn or else I wouldn't have married him. he doesn't go to strip clubs anymore. kind of makes me mad that he used to with his guy friends, but I asked him not to and he doesn't. it's a relief. I am sorry to all the women who have been victimized because you did nothing wrong to deserve it. it's not your fault. just hang in there and even in cyberspace, we can stick together and help one another. you are not alone. you are not alone.

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I have heard that a lot of strippers and porn stars were sexually abused as children. well, I was sexually abused by my uncle. I remember every detail of that night. and sure, my past still haunts me, but I don’t exploit my body because of it. the problem is overcoming sexual abuse. it can be a chain, but you can break the chain. the reason I am anti-porn is because I am a strong, liberated woman who believes that pornography exploits sex. And stripping exploits women. it all makes men view women as sexual objects, not human beings. It is time to speak out, to reach out to other women who feel the same way we all do. I work at 7-11, as a "sales associate". I am treated with no respect every day I work in that place. Yet, men will go to the strip clubs and pay women to tease them. AND THEY RESPECT THESE WOMEN. the way I see it, is I am making an honest living, they are making a living which involves the exploitation of their bodies, and if we go further into this subject, the exploitation of every woman's body AND MIND. THEY ARE AFFECTING THE ENTIRE FEMALE SEX. Then why do people have no respect for a woman trying to make ends meet...the honest way??

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Porn, well it has ruined my life.
I got involved with a man and I did a silly thing. I moved in with him after knowing him for only 6 weeks. Things were fine for the first week then the bombshell hit.
He would get on-line and sit and download porno pictures off the newsgroups and websites. I couldn't believe that he did that in front of me, and then it got worse. He would sit in front of me and pleasure himself.
I have never ever in my whole life been so hurt.
And he would do this day after day, for hours on end. I asked myself so many times why did he get in a relationship when those "sluts" did it for him. How can women degrade themselves like that. How can men hurt us in that way. It has ruined my life.
I didn't communicate to him that it was hurting me, so I witnessed this for about 3 months. And then when it came out it still didn't stop, so he stopped wanking and continued to download pictures. After a while that stopped too, but then he deceived me and started a thing called a "NETSBOT" running that downloaded pictures for him without him doing anything.
To cut a long story short I lived with this man for 12 months, knowing full well that when I walked out the door he was wanking. I now can't form a relationship because my self-esteem is so low. I just feel like I'm not good enough any more. He has killed a part of me. I feel so much anger. The world is scary as it is all going that way. Look at the way women are shown, in ads, on either TV or magazines. It is disgusting and degrading.
When I broke up with this man, he was the one that finished the relationship so he could have his "time" alone again. I just don't understand it, he says all men are like it they just don't express it.
I feel alone. I HATE what it has done to me. I need help and I don't know where to get it, I feel like a loser.

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My father is a pornography addict. It hurts me to know about (and sometimes see!) this filth he enjoys that portrays women in a demeaning manner as toys for men's sexual fulfillment! I have told him and told him how much it hurts me and how it affects my respect for him as my father and as a man, but he doesn't care. So I am living in a house of oppression. I am going to install net nanny on my computer to get back at my dad for not respecting my mother's and my feelings!!!!

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I think that porno is demeaning to us. I mean when men/boys look at that stuff they assume that somewhere deep inside us we want to be abused like that. That we all are that type of woman. It totally takes our individuality away from us, and all the sudden we become some kind of object to look at, abuse etc. No longer do we have secrets, back in the good old days decent men were ashamed at a mere mention of a bra. Everything is exposed about us, so no wonder we are touchy because the only thing we have that is secret is our inner heart and emotions. We don't want that destroyed as well. We have been exposed, harassed and raped by society and their warped views of women. You think that we have rights but what is a right when we are getting stared at in an aggressive sexual behavior. I just wish we would be respected as an individual without the concern that some guy is talking to your breasts or trying to imagine what lies under our clothes.

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I am very knowledgeable in the anti-porn issues, both politically and personally.

Politically: In response to a festival – a so-called learning festival held at Reed College in Portland, Or – called Padiea – where the administration lets the students teach for a week and the school funds the event. Some students – mostly girls in fact, got together and formed a “porn-fest.” This as I stated before was cleared thru the Reed admin and held on campus. I was utterly shocked. But that is not all. Not only did they feature a film every night for free to sometimes underage kids. They started the whole shebang with “Deep Throat.” Of course the ladies throwing the event, nor the school actually did not do any educating on the making of that particular film. Outraged was I. So- I proposed an opposition class, called “Porn, Who’s On Top”. It was a great class that ended up being very large and heated, as you might imagine.

Personal anger: I was molested by 3 different men throughout my childhood –all of which used pornography as a visual aid in order to get me to perform.

I want to help. I’m so upset with today’s idea of feminism.

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Its a relief for me to know that others are finding out their long term boyfriends have been having an affair with internet porn.

Im 18 years old and have been with my fiance for three years now. My fiance has been a viewer of porn many times since we have been together even when i have asked him and told him not too. I even told him that i would leave him if i caught him again. I caught him. BUt i didn’t leave him. The problem is, i have very low self-esteem. Don’t get me wrong people usually tell me how beautiful i am and most people think im cute. But that doesn’t make a difference to me. I was anorexic for 2 years and brought myself out of it. I was 5’ 7” and weighed 1oo lbs. i would faint and was sick all the time. somehow i pulled my self out. Then i got with my fiance who wouldn’t stop looking at porn. I felt like *shit* i never felt as though i could compete with these women he fantasized about, i became anorexic again. i would even find my self throwing up. I have very small breasts and felt as though i couldn’t control that so i would control my weight. i still am somewhat anorexic and don’t trust my fiance not to look at a naked woman every time he gets a chance. and too me it is the same thing as cheating as well.

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I am a 19 y/o wife and mother. before i got married my husband told me he had a porn problem...i never really cared for it but after we were married i hated it, he would always be on the computer while i was sleeping and when i wasn't home. then i found child porn on our computer...i broke as much stuff as i could. he did it over and over again..thankfully he stopped..then, i got pregnant..he kept buying magazines especially while i had a big belly... i cried everyday. i still do. i have tried to do things he wants me to do in bed..but he would still look at it. now after 3 years i can no longer orgasm because of all the pain cause to me by it... there is no connection i can make when i'm with a man who can look at that crap and become aroused and ejaculate from it...i believe it's the same thing as cheating...after i had my daughter things settled down he claims he wants my help but i can't give it to him...he's only put hate in my heart for him...i can't trust men anymore...not like i ever could. i was raped "both ways" when i was 15 by my 22 y/o bf... i've never lived it down. then i was molested...

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