I don’t see how any male who likes porn can think actual sex is better, at least if it involves all the crap that comes with having a real live female in your life.
-Frank, porn user, interviewed in Pornified

He would come home from work, slide food around his plate during dinner, play for maybe half an hour with the kids, and then go into his home office, shut the door, and surf Internet porn for hours. I knew – and he knew that I knew. I put a filter on his browser that would e-mail me every time a pornographic image was captured…I continually confronted him on this. There were times I would be so angry I would cry and cry and tell him how much it hurt…It got to the point where he stopped even making excuses. It was more or less “I know you know and I don’t really care. What are you going to do about it?”
- Wife of a porn addict, interviewed in Pornified

The first night they slept together it was the same old thing: lights glaring, gaping at her body parts, manipulating her into positions popular in pornography so he could admire her. He was aggressive, he was confident, he was following a formula. It was cold. “I almost felt like he was in the sex industry,” she says. “As if we were performing on the porn screen.” Afterward, she turned to him and said, “Do you watch a lot of porn?” He thought she was asking because she liked pornography, too; it was clear he was impressed. “Yeah,” he replied. “What are you into?” Instead of answering, Valerie told him, “I could tell by the way you had sex with me.” Miguel was taken aback. He had no idea a woman could trace his moves back to pornography; he didn’t even realize that was what he was doing.
-From Pornified

My own research suggests that the harm created in relationships when one person uses pornography while the other does not can be substantial and devastating. Specifically, some women in relationships with male users of pornography reported feeling like their partners were fantasizing about a pornographic image or scene during intercourse rather than sharing that intimate moment with her. Other women stated that their partners were no longer seeking them out for lovemaking; instead, these men preferred to masturbate to pornography. Still others were disturbed that their partners were asking them to participate in sexual acts seen in explicit videos, without regard to whether or not she would find these acts unpleasant or degrading. On the whole, these women reported a strong decline in intimacy and connection with their partners, leaving many to consider breaking off the relationship altogether.
--Researcher Ana Bridges, quoted by Robert Jensen in Getting Off

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